


First Impressions

by IvanW



Series: The Professor-Cadet [13]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crush, Explicit Sexual Content, First Impressions, First Time, Gay Sex, M/M, Overcoming First Impressions, Romance, Starfleet Academy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-13
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-12-14 22:53:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11793168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvanW/pseuds/IvanW
Summary: Spock does not think much of James Kirk when they first meet.





	1. Broken Open: Air You're Breathing Out Fades You to Grey

Jim Kirk had a crush.

Stupid, of course.

He didn’t lack for attention from those who thought him attractive. Women and men flirted with him and easily expressed interest in him. Which, generally, he appreciated. And, if it was not bragging, it wasn’t just Humans. He was able to garner the interest of Andorians, Orions, Tellarites, and well, lots of others, really, with just a well-aimed smile.

It was just a fact of the looks he was born with, really.

Not that he didn’t try to look good. Of course he did. He didn’t spend far too many credits on that bomber jacket just because. He looked good in it, Jim knew he did.

Jim didn’t lack for dates, sexual partners or company.

Unlike back in Riverside where he was perhaps too well-known, here at Starfleet Academy, he had a lot of friends. He was popular. Generally well-liked. Though there were always those that found him to be irritating. Jim didn’t bother to give them much thought. No one was liked by everyone and Jim accepted that.

The problem was that the one he wanted the most…didn’t want him.

And it hurt.

Bad.

It was only a crush, he told himself. It wasn’t love or anything… because well, let’s face it, the object of his affection barely spared him a thought. And definitely few words.

Jim had convinced the instructor, because yeah—he had a crush on an instructor, how cliché was that—to go for tea once. Well, tea for him, Spock, a Vulcan of all things, and coffee for Jim. He’d thought it went really well. He sensed they had great chemistry.

And in fact, he had been planning on asking Spock out again.

But he’d excused himself to go to the bathroom, three cups of coffee will make you have to pee, and when he went to return to their table, his seat had been taken over by an Andorian male Jim had seen Spock talking to before. He was pretty sure the Andorian was an instructor as well, though Jim didn’t know what subject he taught.

He hadn’t meant to eavesdrop, but, well, they hadn’t noticed him.

“Cadet Kirk? Certainly not,” Spock told the Andorian. “He is known to frequently engage in illicit liaisons, make unwanted advances, and has a criminal background. I am not even certain how he gained admittance to the Academy.”

“Pike, as I understand it,” the Andorian replied. “Apparently he has tested as a genius.” He shrugged.

“Nevertheless his character is questionable at best. As far as I can ascertain his only redeeming quality is a pleasing physical appearance. I am not certain what he hoped to gain by inviting me out, but a relationship with someone like him is absolutely out of the question.”

Jim had certainly heard enough. And there was absolutely no way he was returning to the table. So he went up to the cash register where he was greeted by very pretty brunette.

“Listen, I need to pay for my tab at that table,” Jim said as he handed over his credit chip.

“The one with the Vulcan and the Andorian?”

“Right. Just pay for the whole thing. And if you could just tell the Vulcan something came up and I had to leave, I’d appreciate it.”

Not that Jim figured Spock would even care.

“Sure thing, honey. He’s cute. I thought you were together.”

Jim smiled. “Nope.”

“His loss.” She winked and handed him back his credit chip. “But you looked hot together.”

“Thanks. Hope you gave yourself a nice tip.” He glanced at her name tag. “Denise.”

Jim didn’t look back as he left the little tea and coffee place. But he felt like he’d been struck across the face and maybe punched in the chest.

He vowed that from now on, he would do his best to avoid Spock at all costs. That would take care of his stupid, fucked up, one-sided crush.

And the first thing he had to do was transfer out of Spock’s class.

****

Bones looked up from the terminal in their dorm room when Jim walked in. “You’re back already?”

Jim went straight into the little kitchenette and into the fridge to remove the wine there. “Yeah.”

“I thought you’d be gone longer. How’d it go?”

Jim leaned up to reach the wine glass on the top shelf. He shrugged.

“Well, what happened?”

“Nothing, actually.” Jim poured himself a generous glass of the sour white wine and then returned the bottle to the fridge. “It, uh, it wasn’t what I thought it was going to be.”

Bones frowned and leaned back in his chair. “I don’t understand.”

Jim lowered his gaze. “He doesn’t…” His voice cracked. He cleared his throat. Tried again. “He doesn’t like me, Bones.”

“What?”

“I thought maybe, but-but no. He-he…” Jim stopped, took a sip of wine. “I was wrong. I liked him but he doesn’t like me. At all. Basically he thinks I’m a shit.” Which still hurt.

He thought-he thought-

Bones slammed his fist down on the table causing Jim to look up at him in surprise. “Fucker. Who cares what he thinks? And who doesn’t like  _you_?”

If his laugh was a little watery sounding who could blame him?

“Him, I guess. I should have realized a Vulcan was never going to be into a screw up like me.”

“You are  _not_  a screw up.”

Jim managed a smile. “Thanks, Bones. Anyway, I already submitted my request to transfer out of his class. I did it on my way back. I didn’t even really need that class, so I transferred to something that will be better for command.”

“What about the Kobayashi Maru?’

“What about it?”

“You know that hobgoblin programmed it.”

Jim laughed. “Bones. Where’d you come up with that nickname?”

Bones smirked. “It suits him. Still gonna take it?”

Jim grimaced and finished the rest of his wine. “It’s too late to withdraw now.” He leaned against the counter. “I’ll take it. And pass it, damn it.”

“How? Nobody passes it. They say it’s unpassable. Something about teaching you how to face death.”

Jim snorted. “That’s bullshit. And anyway, I think I know a way.”

Bones crossed his arms in front of his chest. “This I gotta see.”

“Believe me, you will.”

****

A few days later, Jim walked out of Pike’s office and headed straight for where Bones stood waiting for him.

“Well?” Bones prompted.

Jim grinned and put his arm around Bones’ shoulder. “A commendation for original thinking.”

” _What_?”

He laughed. “I was surprised too because I thought for sure I was going to get kicked out when I got the notice, but Pike says a committee got together and rejected Spock’s recommendation that I be expelled from the Academy.”

They started walking out of the HQ building.

“So, he did recommend they kick you out?”

“Oh, yeah. Accused me of cheating.”

“Well—”

“I just came up with a way to beat it is all. I don’t like to lose. Anyway, Pike says I’d better stay squeaky clean for the rest of my time here and I promised I would.”

Bones sighed. “Unbelievable. Not that I’m not sorry you beat that green-blooded—”

“Yeah, whatever. Now that the test is over and I’m not kicked out, I’m through with him. You know what? I’m starving, want to go get something to eat?”

“Are Gorns lizards?”

Jim grabbed Bones’ arm and pulled. “Better watch it, Bones. Someone might think you’re a xenophobe.”

****

Spock looked up from his PADD at the familiar voice that drifted across the hallway. He was seated in the waiting room of San Francisco Memorial waiting for his mother who had an appointment there.

“What is he doing here?” Spock found himself asking the nurse nearby.

“Hmm?”

“James Kirk.” Spock hadn’t had any contact with Kirk since he’d skipped out from the tea and coffee place a few weeks ago. At first he had believed Kirk had left him the responsibility of the bill, but he’d learned from the waitress that Kirk had paid before his departure.

Since then, Spock’s only involvement was to file papers to accuse Kirk of cheating on the Kobayashi Maru, which he most certainly had done, and then later to file a formal protest that Kirk had been let off “scot-free” as the humans would say. His concerns had been dismissed. He’d learned that information that very morning.

It seemed clear to Spock that favoritism was at play due to certain members of Starfleet admiring Kirk’s late father, George Kirk. He also speculated such favoritism was how Kirk received admission to the Academy in the first place given his criminal record.

“Oh, him. He’s such a sweetheart,” the nurse beamed looking down at where Kirk had bent down to speak to a small child. “He’s a volunteer.”

“Volunteer?”

“Yeah, he comes to spend time with the sick kids. That little boy has cancer,” she said with a shake of head. “It’s terminal. Jim comes to see him several times a week because that little boy just adores Jim. He’s so sweet to him.”

Spock rose from his chair and made his way down to the vending machine that offered hot tea. In truth he was not at all fond of the tea sold in such devices but he wished to observe Kirk and the child from closer proximity.

“You want to play with the ship, Tommy?” Kirk asked the boy, handing him a small toy starship of the type you could get in any gift shop close to HQ.

Tommy took the ship with a bright smile and made little noises that Spock surmised signified flight as he moved around the toy.

“You want to keep it?”

“Can I?” Tommy asked shyly.

“Of course you can. I have dozens of those.”

“Because you’re going to be captain of your own ship someday,” Tommy recited as though he had heard this declaration from Kirk more than once.

“Sure am,” Kirk said, as he gently ruffled the boys sandy colored hair. “And maybe you can even be one of my officers.”

“Yeah?”

“The helmsman. Or hey, maybe even my first officer.”

“That would be awesome!”

At the end of the hallway a dark haired nurse appeared. “Come on, Tommy. The doctor’s ready for you.”

Tommy, who couldn’t be more than five, threw his arms around Kirk’s neck. “Bye, Jim. See you next time?”

“You sure will. Tuesday right?”

“Tuesday!”

Kirk released him and the boy hurried down the hallway toward the waiting nurse, who took his hand and led him away.

Kirk stood and glanced toward where Spock stood by the vending machine. It occurred to Spock, somewhat belatedly, that he had not yet selected his hot tea. He turned toward the mechanism.

“The child has a terminal illness, does he not?”

“Yeah.”

“It is illogical to give him false hope.”

Kirk’s jaw muscle jumped. He shrugged. “I’m illogical then.”

“Not to mention it is hardly a given that you will one day command a starship.” He bent down and remove the lukewarm cup of tea.

“If you’ll excuse me—

“You transferred out of my course,” Spock said before Kirk could walk away.

“Mm hmm.”

When it appeared Kirk had nothing further to say regarding that, Spock said, “If there is anything you wish from the machine, please advise me, as I owe you from the other night.”

“You don’t owe me anything, Professor.”

The same dark haired nurse appeared at the end of the corridor. “Jim! Sally’s asking after you.”

“I’m coming.”

Kirk dashed down the corridor toward her without a backward glance at Spock.

He shook his head and turned back toward where he had come only to find his mother standing there, her floral scarf retied around her head, after having removed it for her appointment. She gave him a quizzical look.

“A friend, Spock?”

He ignored the rather hopeful tone in her voice. Spock was not on Earth to make friends. And certainly not those of ill-repute.

“Negative. A mere acquaintance only. How did you fair in your appointment?”

Mother smiled. “There appears to be no sign of reoccurrence. “

“I am gratified.”

She linked her hand into his arm. “As am I. And I’m starving. Shall we try that vegetarian restaurant on Mayfair?”

“I am amenable.” He discarded the awful tea in the nearest recycling receptacle and led her out of the hospital.

****

Jim stepped into the lift and leaned against the wall, exhaustion seeping in and making his shoulders droop. He’d had two tough tests that day and though he was certain he had done well, they’d drained him.

“Hold the lift, please.”

Jim hit the open door button just as they were about to slide closed.

Spock stepped through.

He barely refrained from rolling his eyes, but he thought he managed it.

“Cadet.”

“Floor?” he asked Spock politely.

“The twelfth, please.”

Maybe they could polite each other to death.

The lift sort of lurched as it took off after Jim gave the command for the twelfth and fifteenth floor.

They’d passed the fifth floor before it began to back a loud whining noise. Jim winced at the ear piercing sound.

“Perhaps we should stop the lift,” Spock spoke up.

“I’d rather just get to my floor.”

Even as he said it and they passed floor seven the lift suddenly shook, lurched and then stopped altogether with a rather violent thud.

Jim almost lost his footing but he gripped the side of the wall and remained on his feet. Spock looked as cool and steady as he ever did.

“Are you all right?” he asked anyway.

“Affirmative. We will need to call for assistance.”

“Call? Get real. That’ll take hours. They never care about this sort of thing.” Jim went over to the mechanism on the wall. “I can fix this.”

“You? As far as I am aware you have no particular expertise in lift engineering.”

“Blah, blah, blah.” Jim opened the panel.

“That response is illogical and irritating.”

Jim nodded and reached inside. “I know how to program things. You should know that. And my mom is an engineer. If I do this and do that, then I can twist these two wires together and—” He glanced above them. “I still have to climb up there and move that little thingy.

Spock followed his gaze upward. “If you do not even know what it is called you should not touch it.”

“Seriously. Do you ever get tired of being snooty?” Jim twisted the wires. He closed the panel and stepped back. He craned his neck to look up.

“I do not approve of this plan.”

“What a surprise.” Jim glanced at him. “Give me a boost up, will you?”

“A boost up?”

Jim cupped his hands down low. “Do this and I’ll stand on your hands and get up there.”

Spock just stared at him.

He rolled his eyes. “Okay. I’ll climb up the wall I guess. You’d think you’d be just as eager to get out of here as I am.”

When he received no more response than before, Jim gave up and started scaling the side of the lift.

“Wow, this is higher than I thought.”

“Cadet Kirk, I insist that you come down at once before you do yourself or this lift irreparable harm.”

“Gee, let me guess which one you care more about.” Jim looked at the mechanism. “It’s fine. I was dizzy for a second, but I have my bearings now.”

“Cadet—”

Jim flipped the switch and the lift began to move again, jarring him from where he was. He began to fall.

“Oh, shit.”

This was gonna hurt.

 _Thump_.

Jim blinked at Spock, whose face was very near his. He’d caught Jim before he fell to the floor. “Uh.”

“An expression of appreciation might be in order,” Spock said coolly.

“Yeah. Thanks. Want to put me down now?” Jim squirmed until he very carefully removed himself and stood on his own feet. “Thanks for the save.”

Spock inclined his head. “Your restart of the lift was successful.”

The lift stopped on floor twelve and Spock got out. So did Jim.

“Were you not going to the fifteenth floor?”

“Yeah, but I’ll walk the other three flights. That thing is scary.” Jim gave a half wave. “See you.” He turned toward the direction of the stairwell.

“Cadet.”

“Yeah?”

“If you are free after the business you are conducting here, I offer to purchase a coffee for you. After all I owe you from before.”

“I already told you, you don’t owe me.”

“Nevertheless, the offer still stands.” Spock paused for a few seconds. “You may, of course, decline.”

Jim nodded. “Okay. Good. Because I do want to decline.”

“You are busy.”

“No. Actually I’m not,” Jim said. “But you see, Spock, I’m actually a pretty nice guy once you get to know me.”

Spock’s brows furrowed. “You refer to your activities at the hospital. I presumed that was court ordered community service.”

Jim actually laughed at that. “Of course you did. But no, it isn’t. I actually don’t have a record.”

“Captain Pike arranged for it to be expunged when you were accepted into the academy.”

“The point is, Spock, my being a nice guy has nothing to do with the hospital. I just am. I’m also pretty smart.”

“I have seen your academic record.”

“There’s that, sure, but I’m also street smart. I think on my feet and can get out of a lot of scrapes.” Jim held up his hand. “I know, I’m a loser for getting into scrapes in the first place. I get it. You come from Vulcan where everything and everyone is logical and perfect and never do anything wrong.”

“You have an exaggerated view of Vulcan.”

“Sure. My point is—”

“I was beginning to wonder if you had one.”

“If you actually took the time to get to know me instead of listen to rumors and innuendos—”

“I have read factual reports.”

Jim sighed. “There’s just no getting through to you, is there? Your mind is made up. Okay. But that  _is_  why I’m declining. I’ve been judged all my life as lacking in some way or another, so I’m used to it. Bye, Spock.”

He turned away and began to head toward the stairwell again, but then he stopped and turned around again.

“By the way, a word of advice. If you’re going to talk behind someone’s back about them, make sure they really aren’t around at the time.”

With a shake of his head, he opened the door of the stairwell and went up the flight of stairs. 


	2. Getting to Know You

It was a beautiful sunny morning as Jim entered the main lobby of the hospital. He’d walked there because it wasn’t that far from the Academy campus. He didn’t have any classes until after one that afternoon so it was the perfect time to pay Tommy a visit.

He waved at the front desk people and headed for the lift that would take him to the pediatric cancer floor. Tommy would be having treatment and he always liked Jim to be there on those particular days, so he bypassed Tommy’s regular room.

Jim stepped off the lift and headed to the left to where Tommy faced his treatments. As he rounded the corner, he realized the room was empty. Had Tommy finished already? He tried to locate a nurse or a doctor but he couldn’t find any in the immediate area, so he rode the lift back down to the floor where Tommy’s usual room was located.

There was a red-haired nurse in the room with his back to him. He recognized her as Marilyn.

“Hey, Marilyn. Where’s Tommy? I went up to the pediatric floor and—”

Marilyn turned around as he spoke. Her eyes were red and brimmed with tears. She was holding the little starship model he had given to Tommy.

“Oh, Jim,” she whispered. “Tommy passed away last night.”

“He…what?”

She shook her head and then thrust the starship into his hands, walking past him, and out of the room.

There was a sterile smell in the room, as though it had been thoroughly cleaned. All signs of Tommy washed away. Even the drawings he had done were no long taped to the walls.

Jim looked down at the model starship in his hands which he gripped tightly. His vision blurred and he wiped at his eyes.

Bile rose to his throat as he turned and left the empty hospital room. He automatically got back into the lift and rode it to the ground floor and was out of the hospital and into the bright sunshine in a matter of minutes.

There was a park nearby and Jim found himself going there and sitting on a bench. He had promised Tommy that someday Jim would take him to that park and they could feed the ducks together or something. But Tommy was never strong enough to go.

And now—

“Cadet Kirk?”

Jim wiped at his eyes and cheeks, trying to get rid of the evidence of his weakness as Spock approached.

Spock stopped right next to him. “You are in distress.”

He almost said, “it’s nothing”, but he couldn’t, wouldn’t, reduce Tommy to that. Instead, he turned away from Spock’s probing gaze, and said, “A boy at the hospital died.”

He felt rather than saw Spock lower himself to the bench beside him. “The one you visited the other day? Tommy?”

Jim nodded.

Spock reached over and took the model from Jim’s tight grip. He glanced at Spock in surprise.

“I apologize, but the toy model seemed to be adding to your distress at the moment.” Spock set it beside himself on the bench. “It was my understanding that Tommy did have a terminal illness.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I know.” Jim wiped his eyes and looked away. “I just…he reminded me so much of me and I…” He shook his head. “It’s so unfair.”

“Yes,” Spock agreed softly. “There is a café not far from here. Would you permit me to acquire coffee for you?”

Jim put his hand on his stomach. “I can’t even stomach the idea of coffee right now. And I don’t want to go be on display somewhere.”

“You value your privacy.” Spock hesitated. “Is there some other beverage you would prefer? I will obtain it for you and bring it here.”

He let out a shaky breath. “I told you, you don’t owe me anything.”

“It is not because I owe you, but because I want to. Is there some tea you will drink?”

“Green tea,” he whispered. He licked his lips. “Green. When I was a kid my gran used to give me green tea when Fra—whenever I was upset about something.”

Spock nodded and rose from the bench. “I will return in a moment.”

Jim picked up the starship again as he watched the Vulcan walk away. Spock was dressed casually, rather than in his instructor’s uniform. Casually for him, anyway, Jim suspected. He still wore perfectly pressed gray slacks matched with a steel gray knitted sweater.

Now that he thought about it, Tommy looked enough like Jim that he could have been his son, really. Sandy blond hair, blue eyes. He doubted he’d ever have a kid of his own. He wanted to spend his days up in the stars and he knew from personal experience an absent parent could damage a child’s life.  

Spock returned much quicker than Jim had imagined and as he handed Jim a container of hot green tea, he returned to sitting next to him on the bench.

“Thank you,” Jim replied. He took a sip of the green tea. “You don’t have to stay. I know you don’t like me.”

“Jim. I intended to wait for a more appropriate time given your distressed condition, but I do owe you an apology.”

Jim looked at him warily. “Oh?”

“My behavior at the coffee and tea shop was…” Spock stopped, seeming to falter at the right word.

“Boorish? Dickish?” Jim suggested.

“Though I would not use that exact term, I will allow that it could apply.” Spock sipped from a cup he had obviously obtained for himself. “I, too, know something of being judged by others.”

“Do you?"

Spock nodded. “It was difficult for my classmates and peers to accept our differences.”

“Differences?”

“My mother is Human, therefore, I am widely believed to be inferior to other Vulcans,” Spock replied.

Jim frowned. “Spock, I’m sorry.”

“My intent is not to move the focus to me,” Spock said. “You had mentioned that you were used to being judged and found lacking and I only wished to advise that I have some experience in that. For a brief time, I allowed myself to forget. I apologize.”

“Okay,” Jim replied. “I accept.”

“May I make a query?”

Jim sighed and looked away, and then back. “I don’t know. Maybe. What?”

“Though your record does appear to be expunged, there is evidence you had instances of criminal behavior.”

“Uh-huh.”

“The first at sixteen—”

“I really am not in the mood to defend myself to you.”

“I apolo—”

“But okay, we’ll get this over with. There was this girl.”

Spock’s expression went from neutral to disapproving in a flash and then back to neutral.

Jim rolled his eyes. “And people say Vulcans don’t have emotions. Look you don’t to like me or approve of me. It’s fine. But before you pass judgment you might want to hear the whole story.”

The tips of Spock’s ears were vaguely green. “Proceed.”

“She was fourteen. But she had the mind of about six years old. She was very sweet and gentle. Wouldn’t hurt anyone. I had a lot of anger after Tar—after some events in my life—and her brother was an abusive dick. Very verbally abusive to her. Used to say so many cruel things and she always ended up crying. He should have protected her, as her brother, but instead he was the worst one. And he’d get others to pick on her too. That day she got really upset and was crying really hard and she tripped and fell into him and knocked him down. He got up and started smacking her across the face.” Jim felt the rage well up in him all over again. He clenched his fists. “So I hit him. Several times. And the thing was, their parents pressed charges against _me_. Didn’t do a damn thing about their fucking son. I did a couple months in a juvenile facility to my mom came back from space and threw a fit. She got me out.”

Spock was silent for a while, looking out over the park. “I am not sure what to say.”

“Yeah, it’s okay. I don’t expect you to say anything. It’s just, there’s more to one side of a story than just what you hear from rumors and reports. For instance, your friend, Uhura.”

Spock visibly stiffened. “What about her?”

Jim smiled a little. “I’m sure she told you about the incident in the bar.”

“She mentioned it.”

Jim shrugged. “I hit on her. She was cute. I offered to buy her a drink. She declined. She wasn’t into me, I get it. But I didn’t start that fight. Her friends did because they had to be macho morons and defend her from the farm boy who asked to buy her a drink. If Pike didn’t come along, who knows, maybe they would have beaten me to death. But he did come and that’s all there was to it.”

Spock nodded. “I see.”

“So no matter what you’ve heard or think you know, I don’t go around forcing my attentions on women or men and I don’t start fights.”

“Thank you for the information.”

Jim finished the tea. “What are you doing here anyway? This is the second time I’ve seen you around the hospital.”

“My mother is receiving follow up treatment. She had breast cancer.”

“I’m sorry.”

“She is doing well and there has been no reoccurrence, but while she is on Earth, she checks in with her doctors. This is her last checkup before she returns to Vulcan where she lives with my father.”

“I’m glad she’s doing well.”

Spock’s communicator chirped and he took it out, reading a message on it. “She is ready to leave.” He stood, and then hesitated. “We generally go out for lunch after her appointment. If you would care to join us.”

Jim shook his head. “Families and I don’t do well. And anyway I have afternoon classes.”

“Very well.”

“See you around, Professor.”

“Good day.” Spock departed then, walking out of the hospital and toward the park.

Jim looked down at the model starship. “Rest in peace, Tommy.”

****

A week later, Jim was surprised to find Spock waiting for him as he got out of his tactical strategies class.

“Cadet,” Spock said as he fell into step beside Jim, who had kept on walking.

“Professor.”

Spock hesitated a couple of seconds before saying, “Jim.”

“Spock,” he returned with a smile.

“May we speak?”

“Okay.” Jim stopped under a particularly shady tree and turned to face him. “What’s up?”

“If you are free—”

Jim shook his head.

Spock’s brows furrowed. “I have not yet finished.”

He leaned against the tree. “All right. Go for it.”

“I would like to request that you accompany me to dinner Friday evening.”

“Why?”

Spock blinked at that. “Why?” he repeated.

Jim smiled. “Yes. Why? You don’t like me, remember? Oh wait. You did mention finding my appearance physically appealing.” His smile widened. “Is this a booty call?”

“A…booty call?”

“Yeah, you know where you set something up just so you can have wild, crazy sex.” He lowered his voice in deference to the people walking by. “And believe me, it would be. I’m not exactly the timid type.”

“Cadet—”

“I’m not opposed to the idea, honestly, but you don’t seem the type for that kind of thing,” Jim said.

Spock’s eyes narrowed slightly. “You are amused at my expense.”

“Maybe a little. So, really, what gives? Why the invite?”

“It occurred to me that given my incorrect ideas of your person, an evening where we got to know each other better might be prudent.”

Jim pursed his lips and crossed his arms over his chest.  “I see.”

Spock stiffened visibly. “You may, of course, decline.”

His lips twitched. “Of course.”

“Cadet—”

“Jim. I’m not even in your class anymore. But if you can’t manage Jim, you could always try Kirk.”

“Do you accept or not?” Spock asked, just short of a demand. “Jim.”

“Well—”

“You may find that you have misjudged me as well.”

“Yeah? How is that?”

“You have implied more than once that you find me to be _snooty_.”

He put such emphasis on it that Jim could not help but laugh, which was apparently not something Spock appreciated at all, being laughed at, for he turned around as though to walk away from Jim.

“Yes,” Jim called after him.

Spock stopped. Half turned around.

“Is that a response to my invitation or your acknowledgement that you find me snooty?”

“Both?”

“Then, I will pick you up at your dormitory at seven on Friday evening,” Spock said coolly.

“Sweet.”

Spock stared at Jim for a moment more before turning around and heading back in the direction they’d come in.

****

“There you are,” Nyota greeted Spock as he entered the building that housed his office. “I expected to find you in your office. I thought your class ended a while ago.”

“Indeed, but I found myself detained by something else.” Spock gained entranced to his office and she followed him in.

“What detained you?”

“I was securing a-a date for Friday evening.” Spock felt entirely awkward using the Human vernacular of ‘dating’. Vulcans did not _date_.

Nyota smiled. “You were?” She sat on the edge of his desk, a habit he did not especially care for. “Spock, you like someone?”

He sat behind his desk and pulled up that afternoon’s tests on his terminal. “I am uncertain. Thus the requirement of the invitation.”

“Ah, but you like someone enough to even invite them.”

Spock nodded after some consideration.

“Who?” She prodded his shoulder when he did not elaborate.

Spock found himself reluctant to tell her. She had previously expressed doubts regarding Jim’s character--and when exactly had he begun to think of Jim as Jim instead of Kirk--doubts that had perhaps given credence to his own doubts. But Spock was even now coming to the conclusion that he really had misjudged him.

“James Kirk.”

“ _Kirk_?”

Spock nodded. “If you are going to assist me in grading the tests from today you are going to have to take your seat.”

She ignored him. “Spock, I thought you didn’t like Kirk.”

“My assessment may have been premature.”

Nyota stared at him for so long that Spock was certain she intended to persuade him not to see Jim, but after a moment, she shook her head and scooted off the desk, reaching for her chair.

“I hope you know what you’re doing. What time do you think we’ll be finished tonight? I want to let Christine know for our date.”

“I anticipate it will take no more than ninety minutes.”

“Great.” She typed something into her PADD and then turned to Spock. “Okay, I’m ready.”

****

The door was opened by the rather unpleasant visage of Leonard McCoy. Spock was aware that he was Jim’s roommate, but he didn’t know much else about the doctor. He suspected considering the look of disdain on the Human’s face he was either a xenophobe or Jim had filled him in on their prior history. Perhaps both.

“I am here to—”

“I know why you’re here,” McCoy rudely interrupted. “Come in then.”

Spock stepped inside but he saw no sign of Jim.

“Still getting ready,” McCoy grumbled under his breath. “Jim, the hob—Spock’s here.”

“Be right out!” Jim shouted.

The doctor stared at Spock, making absolutely no effort to disguise what he thought of Spock. Spock decided to ignore him. If his relationship with Jim became something other than what it currently was, Spock would deal with the doctor’s animosity at that point.

A door opened nearby and Jim emerged, golden hair still damp. He wore a black long sleeved dress shirt and black pants.

“You’re staring, Spock,” McCoy said with a smirk.

“Bones,” Jim said in a low warning voice. “Hey.”

Spock nodded curtly. “Jim.”

Jim moved past where Spock was standing, heading for the door. Spock turned to watch. No. To follow. Not to watch.

“Don’t wait up, Bones.”

“Like I would.”

Spock closed the door after them as they stepped outside of the dorm.

Jim flashed him a smile. “Where to?”

Spock cleared his throat slightly. “There is a vegetarian restaurant two blocks north of here. It is within walking distance if you are amenable.”

“Lead the way.”

“You do not mind vegetarian food?” Spock asked as they began to walk off campus.

“I’ll pretty much eat anything at this point.”

Spock glanced at him sideways. “You are hungry?”

Jim laughed. “A little. But no, I meant, I’m not particularly picky about what I put in my mouth.” He laughed again. “Wow, I can imagine how that sounded.”

“You are not…”

“What?”

“You are not what I expected,” Spock admitted.

“I tried to tell you that.” Jim shrugged. “I actually thought we were doing pretty well that night we went to the coffee and tea shop. Guess I was wrong.”

“I had made up my mind to dislike you.”

Jim shot a surprised look. “Wow.”

“You are surprised by that?”

“No, not all. I’m surprised you’re actually admitting it.”

They didn’t say anything after that until they reached the restaurant Spock had chosen. As he went to open the door, Jim beat him to it, opening it and gesturing for Spock to go first.

“Clearly, I have a lot to learn.”


	3. What Fate Had Meant for Me

“I am sorry you did not enjoy your meal,” Spock said as he walked beside Jim on the way back toward the campus.

“You’ve already apologized. In fact, more than the restaurant at this point.”

“Yes, but I am mortified that—”

Jim held up his hand. “It’s cool, Spock. But I think we can safely say that considering that bug’s presence in my salad, they can’t call themselves vegetarian anymore.”

Spock blushed. “I apologize.”

He laughed. “Fortunately, I didn’t eat him. It. Whatever. So there’s that.”

“Considering that particular species of insect, I believe it was most certainly female.”

“You know, I don’t really care about the gender of the bug I came close to eating.”

“I—”

“Don’t.” Jim shook his head. “Seriously. I’ll get something to eat later. When the nausea goes away.” He stopped as they entered the campus area. “Anyway, I can make my way back to my dorm. You don’t have to escort me. I’m sure you’d rather just head to your apartment.”

Spock nodded. “Very well.”

Jim smiled. Spock looked rather dejected and disgruntled. In a Vulcan sort of way.

“I don’t put out on the first date.”

That made Spock blink. “What?”

Jim arched his brows. “In case, you were hoping.”

“I most certainly did not—”

Jim smacked Spock on the shoulder. “I’m kidding. I totally put on the first date.”

“I—”

“Just not with you.” Jim smirked.

Spock rubbed his shoulder. Then he frowned. No, really, an actual frown. “Why not with me?”

“Because, Spock, you’re different.”

“I am not certain that is a positive statement.”

Jim moved closer to where Spock stood. He gazed into those deep brown eyes. “Believe me. It is.”

Spock’s breathing suddenly changed and Jim noticed his pupils widen. Whether he wanted to be or not, Spock was most definitely attracted to Jim.

Jim reached his hand toward Spock’s and touched his fingers to Spock’s. “Goodnight, Spock.”

He turned then and walked down the pathway toward his dorm. Midway along the path, he turned, and sure enough, Spock still stood exactly where he left him.

“Are you going to stare at my ass the whole way?” he called back.

“Affirmative.”

Jim laughed, turned back around and made his way to his dorm. Predictably, Bones was still up and pounding furiously on the terminal at the desk.

“You’re back already?”

“Uh-huh. It was kind of a disaster,” Jim said cheerfully. He went into the kitchen and opened the fridge.

“Ha! I knew it. Still an asshole, huh?”

“No, Bones. It wasn’t Spock’s fault. The restaurant advertised fresh food and apparently that included bugs.”

“What the hell?”

“Yeah, um, a really big bug was in the salad I ordered. Gross.” Jim closed the fridge and moved over to the cabinet, which he opened. “I think I’ll be passing on salads for a week or two.”

“Why didn’t you just go somewhere else?”

“I kind of threw up,” Jim told his friend. “Not that I actually ate any of the bug but it was…super gross. After that, neither one of us really wanted to continue the date. Fortunately, I didn’t throw up on him.” Jim rubbed the back of his neck. “But some of it did land in his food.”

“Oh for God’s sake.”

“I don’t think either of us will be going back there soon.” He took out a box of crackers and started popping little round shaped cheese crackers into his mouth.

“Well, hell, you sure know how to have the world’s worse date.” Bones leaned back in his chair. “Got that out of your system now?”

“What out of my system?”

“Spock.”

“Oh hell no. He wants me.”

Bone sighed.

“He does. He may not _want_ to want me, but he does.”

“This isn’t all about checking Vulcans off your Jim Does Aliens List, does it?”

“No, it does not. And geez, haven’t I told you to dial back the xenophobia? What if Spock becomes my boyfriend?”

Bones snorted. “Is that the goal?”

Jim shrugged. “We’ll see. Not sure he’s gotten past the ‘Kirk’s a babe but such a dick stage yet’.”

“A difficult stage to pass, that’s for sure.” Bones gestured to him. “You’ve got crumbs all over your face. And your neck. And your chest. God, you’re a mess.”

Jim looked down at himself. “Guess a shower’s in order.”

“And laundry,” Bones said dryly.

He stuck out his tongue at Bones and went to put the crackers back in the cabinet, but then realized he’d eaten them all. “Oops. We’re out of cheese crackers.”

Bones just rolled his eyes and went back to pounding on the terminal. Jim tossed the box in the recycler and went in to take a shower. And if maybe he took himself in hand while he was in there thinking of a tall, dark snooty Vulcan, who could blame him?

****

Spock absolutely was not stalking Jim. Cadet Kirk. If he happened to take his afternoon walk in the direction of San Francisco Memorial that was pure…coincidence.

So was the fact he was hovering outside the main entrance when Jim walked outside after visiting the sick children that day. He’d merely stopped to catch his breath.

And perhaps he was pushing the whole ‘Vulcans cannot lie’ thing but he carefully reminded himself that he was half Human. Stretching the truth was not something he was proud of though.

Jim, of course, noticed him before Spock had time to fortify himself.

“Spock?”

He came toward Spock, still dressed in his cadet reds, confusion in his cerulean eyes. _Blue_. They were simply blue.

“Good afternoon, Jim.”

“Your mom here today?”

Saying that she was though was entirely not possible. Spock could not go that far and so he shook his head. “Negative. She is presently making preparations to return to Vulcan.”

And truth be told, Spock should be spending time with her instead of chasing down Jim. Which he was _not_ doing.

Jim gave him a quizzical look, which Spock decided was a good look on him. “What brings you to the hospital? You aren’t sick, are you?”

“Of course not. Vulcans seldom experience illness. I happened to be going for my afternoon walk.”

“You come _this_ way?”

There was a hint of teasing in Jim’s gaze that Spock was not at all appreciative of, but he decided to ignore it. He suspected he was not fooling Jim anyway.

“Today I have,” Spock retorted.

There was a hint of a smile on Jim’s face now. “If you wanted to see me, you just had to ask. You want to go for tea?”

“That is acceptable.”

He fell into step beside Jim. Spock realized he often acquiesced to Jim, as though Jim being a natural born leader, just caused those around him to follow along. It was just a minor thing, they’d hardly been acquainted long, but since Spock made it a practice to study everything around him, he noticed.

The tea shop was the same one Spock had gone to for Jim’s green tea the day Tommy had passed, but Spock made no reminder of that to Jim. For the moment the Human was smiling and Spock preferred that to the tears that day.

Jim selected the same green tea and Spock chose an orange spiced blend as they made their way to a tiny table that barely fit their tall frames. Spock was forced to sit very close to Jim. Truly, he was.

“You had a pleasant visit today?” Spock asked after a few seconds of silence. He did not know how to master small talk. He never had. His mother had even tried giving him a few lessons when he had made the decision to come to Starfleet over the Vulcan Science Academy. She had not succeeded.

“Yeah, it was nice. The kids are sweet.” Jim took a sip of his tea. “And none of the rest are as bad as Tommy was.”

Spock managed not to wince at the unfortunate mentioning of Tommy. He did not want to bring up something unpleasant for Jim. But, thus far, all his own interactions with Jim had been unpleasant for Jim now that he thought about it. It made sense that a week had gone by without Jim contacting him after the insect in his dinner.

“Spock?”

“Yes?”

“You’ve gone kind of quiet. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Indeed. I have been calculating the chances of success if I were to ask you to come to my apartment for dinner,” Spock replied.

Jim got that quizzical look again that for some reason Spock found appealing. “Are you going to cook?”

“That is my intention.”

“Why?”

Spock blinked. “Why?”

“You don’t like me, remember?” And the teasing smile was back.

“You do not intend to let that go any time soon, do you?”

Jim laughed at that. “Maybe not. Sure. When?”

“Tonight?”

Jim pursed his lips but after a moment, he nodded. “Yeah, I think that works.”

“If you have another engagement, we can arrange another evening,” Spock said. Though in truth he did not care for the idea that Jim might be seeing someone else. Not that Spock had any right to care. He did not. But he did. Nevertheless.

“Nope. Just some studying to do. I’ll squeeze it in somewhere.”

As an instructor and a commander in Starfleet, Spock should advise Jim that his studies and course work should come before any social engagement. But he could not make himself say the required words.

“What time?” Jim asked.

_Now._

Ridiculous of course. He hadn’t even gone to the store for the requirements for the meal. And anyway it was the afternoon. Spock needed to rein it in before he embarrassed himself as a Vulcan.  

“Six.” He provided Jim his address, which was an apartment building half a block up from Starfleet Academy.

“Great. I’ll be there.” He finished his tea and sort of slammed down the cup. “I really have to go. See you then.”

Spock deliberately refused to watch Jim leave the shop. He was a Vulcan with logic and discipline.

****

He found his mother just about finished with her packing in her hotel room when Spock made his way there a short time later. He would be taking her to the shuttle bay for her shuttle flight back to Vulcan.

She appeared to be the picture of glowing health as she smiled at him when he attempted to flatten her bulging suitcase.

“I did try to make it smaller but I have too many things to take back with me.”

“Did it not all fit when you arrived?”

“Of course. But I got a few things for your father while I was here.”

Spock shook his head. “Father does not need gifts and trinkets, Mother.”

“I know he doesn’t _need_ them, Spock.”

Spock zipped up her case. “You are as illogical as ever.”

“I am certain Sarek will say the same. While secretly being pleased.”

“Mother, I—”

He stopped uncertain how to go forward.

She smiled encouragingly. “Yes?”

“I wish to make a query.”

“I’m waiting.”

Spock opened his mouth and then closed it. “Never mind.”

“Spock,” she said gently. She took his hands and led him to a couple of chairs by the table in the room. “You can tell me anything.”

“There is…someone I find myself fascinated by,” he admitted reluctantly.

Her open expression didn’t change but she squeezed his hand. “Tell me more.”

“At first I found him entirely unsuitable.”

“But now?”

Spock glanced away. His face felt hot and he suspected he was blushing.

“Oh, Spock. Liking someone is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed by. It happens to most of us at some point. Is he Human?”

He nodded. “How did you guess that?”

“There are simply more Humans around than other species here in San Francisco, so I thought it likely.”

“He is the one you saw me talking to at the hospital that day,” Spock told her.

Her smile widened. “I remember. He was very cute.”

“Yes,” Spock whispered.

“You aren’t used to these feelings,” Mother said. “That’s understandable.”

“I have been attracted to others before,” Spock replied. “And have even acted on that attraction when advisable. But this…is somehow different.”

“Are you falling in love?”

“Love is such a Human notion.”

She smiled. “Yes. But you are half Human even if you sometimes wish you were not.”

Spock shook his head. “I have never wished you were not my mother.”

“Stop that! You’ll make me cry,” she admonished. “I’m already sad I’m leaving you behind.”

“Father misses you,” Spock reminded her.

“Even if he will not admit it.” She nodded. “I know. I miss him a great deal, too. Spock, whatever you have with this boy—” She paused. “What’s his name?”

“Jim.”

“Whatever you have with Jim, if it is what you both want, there is nothing stopping you but you. Do what feels right, Spock. If he is the one, you will know.” She squeezed his hand and then rose. “And now, unfortunately, it’s time for us to depart to the shuttle bay.”

Spock stood too and went to fetch her suitcase.

“I wish I got to meet Jim before I had to leave,” Mother said, as she wrapped her head scarf tightly around her chin.

“If, as you say, it is meant to be, you will meet him one day,” Spock assured her.

“I suppose that is true.” She looked at Spock. “Now, you will have to let me hug you here because I know you would be mortified if I did so in public.”

“Mother, I am too old for hugs,” he said, allowing her to embrace him anyway.

“Of course.” She released him with a smile and a soft kiss on his cheek, which he also tolerated. “Let’s go.”

Spock left the hotel with his mother, feeling more melancholy than he ought to considering he was Vulcan, but looking forward to his evening with Jim.


	4. You Told Yourself Years Ago You'd Never Let Your Feelings Show

Six came and six went and Jim did not come to his apartment. At six-thirty, Spock turned off the burner on the stove. He had never been stood up before and had honestly not expected it this time.

He tried to tamp down his growing disappointment as the minutes ticked by. Had this been Jim’s revenge on him for overhearing the words he’d exchanged with his colleague?

Whatever the case, Spock felt foolish for having gone to the store to choose something he had thought Jim would like. He’d even bought coffee, a coffeemaker, and cream.

At seven, Spock became vaguely uneasy. Spock knew he might have misjudged Jim once but he did not think he had misjudged him twice. So he sent a message. Thirty more minutes went by before he sent a follow up message.

And five minutes passed before he received a response.

_This is McCoy. Jim’s in the hospital. San Francisco Memorial. He’s okay. Room 365, if you’re interested._

Spock tapped out, _I will be right there_.

****

“Get that out of my eyes, Bones,” Jim said, swatting the light out of his face. “I’m fine. Spock!”

Jim smiled at the Vulcan who had suddenly appeared by his hospital bed. He looked a little frazzled. Well Vulcan frazzled.

Spock glanced at Bones. “What happened?”

“He got hit by a hover bike.”

“What?”

“Nah, it was nothing. This old lady hit me on her bike. Got a little banged up, is all. I have a headache.” Jim tapped his forehead.

Spock stared at him intensely. “There is a scrape on your cheek.”

“That’s where my face met the pavement,” Jim replied, cheerfully. “It’s Bones. I wanted to leave but he insisted with my doctors here that I should stay overnight. Just to be safe.”

“I concur with the doctor.”

“Gee, thanks,” Bones grumbled. “Listen I have to go speak with the ER physician. I’ll be right back.”

Jim waved. “I’ve got Spock here. I’ll be fine.” When Bones left, Jim bit his lip. “I’m sorry. I wanted to come.”

“Obviously you could not help being in the hospital.”

“I guess I was out for a little bit. I couldn’t let you know.”

Spock shook his head. “I am only relieved that you were not more seriously hurt.”

“Did you go to a lot of trouble?”

“Do not worry about it.” Spock seemed to look right through him.

Jim tried to keep from blushing but was pretty sure he didn’t succeed. To be such focus of a Vulcan as hot as Spock made him a little lightheaded. Or maybe that was when he hit his head.

“Did you, um, did you want to reschedule or something?”

A strange look passed over Spock’s face before it went back to blank and then he said with a slight hesitation, “Our interactions thus far have not been very positive.”

"Yeah.”

“Normally I do not believe in signs, however—”

Here it comes, Jim thought. The brushoff. The ‘we won’t suit’ speech. He’d suspected it would come eventually. Spock would come to the same conclusion he’d had from the beginning. Someone like Spock didn’t go with someone like Jim. Hell, even Jim knew that. But for a second or so, he’d allowed himself to hope.

So, he nodded, running his tongue along his dry lips. “Yeah.”

“May I make a query?”

Jim blinked. “Huh?”

Spock angled his head at Jim as though he couldn’t quite figure him out. That was okay. Jim couldn’t figure out Spock either.

“The first night after we attempted to have dinner at the vegetarian restaurant, you touched your fingers to mine. Do you know the significance of that?”

Jim frowned. “Yeah. A Vulcan kiss.”

“How did you know?”

“Cause I looked it up. You guys don’t have all the secrets you think you have.” Jim shrugged a little. “Or maybe I’m better at looking stuff up. I don’t know.”

“Why would you look it up?”

Jim’s gaze moved to his lap. “Because I like you.” Then his gaze lifted to Spock. “Even when you didn’t like me.”

‘You should rest,” Spock said softly.

Setting aside his own dismay, Jim forced a smile. “I am tired. Thanks for stopping by, Spock. And I’m sorry about dinner.”

“You owe no apology. Goodnight, Jim.”

Bones entered his room only five minutes later. “What happened to the hobgoblin?”

“Went home.”

Bones thrust a small tray of food at Jim. It had mostly fruits and vegetables on it with a small amount of cheese. “I thought he was going to hang around.”

“Nah.” Jim picked at his food.

Bones sat on the edge of the bed. “What?”

“I don’t think it’s going to work out between us,” Jim told his best friend. “He doesn’t like me much.”

“Well, he rushed right over to the hospital, didn’t he?’

“Yeah, who knows why? Anyway, whatever. There are lots of guys out there. And girls. Why bother to settle for one?”

“Why indeed? Eat your dinner. And then you’re going to sleep.”

“You don’t actually work here you know.”

“Shut up and eat.”

****

Spock had tried to convince himself that his sudden odd fascination for James Kirk was not in his best interest. He was too attractive for Spock’s own good. Far too alluring and not something Spock knew at all how to deal with. When Jim had not shown up for the dinner Spock was making, Spock had become far too emotional over it. Almost despondent. And Vulcans did not become despondent.

He’d had sexual affairs in the past that were all about physical release. While it was true that Vulcans considered fidelity important, Spock was not bonded to anyone. His parents had attempted to bond him with a Vulcan female as a child but he had been summarily rejected due to his ‘disadvantage’. A similar pronouncement he’d received when he applied to the Vulcan Science Academy.

Spock allowed himself some sexual experimentation when he’d come to Earth. But none of it had been important or particularly memorable. He’d chosen mostly those who looked similar in coloring to himself. Brown hair, brown eyes. Not all like James Kirk.

_Las’hark._

He’d stayed away from Jim ever since he’d gone to see him in the hospital after he had been advised of Jim’s accident. He’d been in too much danger of an emotional meltdown over someone he barely knew.

And if he could still remember the way his fingers tingled when Jim touched them, well, then he would live with it.

But now, as he walked home after having tea with Nyota and her girlfriend, Spock began to think he had been a complete fool. He had not stopped thinking about Jim. Not even close. And in fact, he thought about him at the most inappropriate times.

There was a bar on his way home that Spock was aware many of the cadets from Starfleet frequented. It was smelly, loud and dirty and Spock did not like it one bit.

Generally, Spock walked past it as quickly as he could. No one ever bothered him, of course, but he wanted as little to do with it as possible.

So when he got to it, he was surprised to see the man leaning against the outside of the building, holding his face in his hands.

“Jim?”

Sure enough, James Kirk lowered his hands and looked over at Spock. His face was battered and bruised. Blood streaked from the corner of his mouth.

Spock stalked over. “Who has done this to you?”

“I—”

“I want names.”

Jim blinked and then leaned heavily on Spock. “Actually, it was some of the same idiots who I fought with in Riverside. They remembered me and decided I needed more of a lesson.”

Spock’s eyebrow shot up. “Indeed. You will point them out to me.”

“Spock—”

“Now.”

“I don’t need—”

“Are they at the bar?”

Jim nodded.

“Stay here. Do not move.”

Spock went into the disreputable establishment and up to the bar where he spotted three large individuals wearing cadet uniforms. He walked over to them.

“Commander,” said one of them. “What can we do for you, sir?”

“You are the ones who recently taught Cadet Kirk a _lesson_?”

“Well, uh—”

Spock nodded. “Let me make myself perfectly clear. If you ever touch him, talk to him, talk about him, look at him, breathe near him or are even within one hundred feet of him, I will rip your throats out.”

They stared at him, mouths hanging open.

“Do you understand?” he asked.

They nodded.

“I need to hear you say it.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Yes, Commander.”

Spock looked at the third, who was just nodded frantically. He took a step toward him.

“Yes, sir. Commander, sir.”

Spock turned and left. Fortunately, Jim was still leaning against the building.

“Do you need medical attention?”

“No,” Jim said. “It’s all superficial. What happened in there?”

“They will not bother you again.” Spock took his arm. “Come with me.”

He was surprised Jim came with him with little fuss, but Jim did seem a little off, being beaten notwithstanding. He would question him once he got Jim into his apartment.

“Sit,” he instructed Jim as he gently pushed him into a chair in the dining room of his apartment. He went to his bathroom and obtained his first aid kit.

Spock returned and began to clean the dirt and blood off Jim’s face, and then he attended to the cuts and abrasions on his face.

“What is wrong?” he asked, after he discarded everything.

“Other than being a punching bag for those guys?”

“They will not come near you again,” Spock assured him once more.

“I’m not a wuss,” Jim said defensively. “Three of them jumped me.”

“The thought of your being a _wuss_ did not occur to me.” Spock glanced toward his kitchen. “Would you like some coffee?”

“You have coffee?”

“I obtained it when I thought…yes.”

Jim sighed, bowed his head. “I’m sorry.”

“You are not responsible for the accident. Coffee? I am told it might clear your head. I also have green tea if you prefer.”

“Yeah?”

“Though spiced is my preference, I also secured some green tea.”

Jim stared at him for so long without an answer, Spock wondered if he intended not to answer. His blue eyes were so saturated, they had a sheen to them, as though perhaps he’d been crying earlier.

“Green tea, please,” he finally said, so softly, so faintly, that it took Spock a moment to act.

Jim said nothing as Spock prepared him tea, and he still said nothing but a murmured thanks when Spock brought him over the dark green mug. Spock pulled up a chair beside him and sat.

“You are visibly upset.”

Jim ran his hand through his hair. “It’s not been the greatest day.”

“Do you go to that bar often?”

“No. I’d only been there once with Bones. I went there because…I had this really shitty day and I decided to make it worse I guess by going there.” He laughed, but it appeared to be at himself.

“I have been told that I am a good listener.”

Jim gazed at him over the mug. “Yeah?”

“No,” Spock admitted. “But I thought I would give it a try.”

Jim smiled. “You’re kind of funny, sometimes.”

“Jim. What happened today?”

Jim glanced away toward empty space. “I had a brother once.”

“Did you?”

“My parents named him George Samuel, but I always called him Sam. Anyway, I haven’t seen him in years. He left when I was pretty young. Left and never looked back.”

“Why?”

“Our stepfather was pretty much a shit. Sam couldn’t take the abuse anymore and took off.”

“But left you to it?”

Jim nodded. He looked down at his twisted fingers around the mug. “Pretty much. Until I got sent to Tar—away. Somewhere else. Anyway, none of that really matters. My mom told me Sam was going to be in San Francisco. He’s here now. And I-I tried to see him.”

When Jim stopped talking, Spock waited for him to continue, but he didn’t.

“And what happened?” he asked gently.

“He didn’t want to see.” Jim shrugged. “Didn’t want to rehash old family shit.” He paused, shook his head. “Guess I don’t have a brother anymore.”

“I had a brother.”

Jim looked up in surprise. “You did?”

“His name was Sybok. My father had a Vulcan wife prior to my mother. Sybok was their son.”

“What happened to him?”

“I do not know. My father disowned him years ago.”

There was a little hitch of his breath right before Jim said, “Disowned him? Why?”

“He turned away from the Vulcan way of logic and embraced his emotions,” Spock said quietly.

“Oh.” Jim’s tongue traced his lips. “That serious, was it?”

“To my father, yes. I have had no contact with Sybok since. So, in that, you and I are the same.”

“That’s fucked up,” Jim whispered. “I thought about coming here. Before the bar. I got all the way to your apartment building and then I turned back.”

“Why?”

“You didn’t want to see me. I keep joking about how you don’t like me, but it’s not really a joke, is it?”

Spock exhaled very slowly and stood up, walking over to the refrigerator. He took out the plate that still had what he’d cooked for Jim days ago. He should have thrown it away and he didn’t know why he had not.

He turned to Jim. “Do you know what this is?”

“No.”

“It is a hamburger,” Spock admitted. “I was making it for you the night of your accident. I do not consume meat. But I-I wanted—”

Jim was out of his chair and pushing Spock against the refrigerator as his lips came down on Spock’s. Spock tasted a little bit of Jim’s blood where his lip was split but he didn’t care. Jim was kissing him.

Full mouth, Human kissing.

His fingers were in Spock’s hair, pulling Spock impossibly close, and as his tongue slipped past Spock’s lips, he could not hold back a moan of complete arousal.

When Jim broke their kiss, Spock chased his lips back, his own hand rising to Jim’s skull to keep him in place, so that they could kiss forever. This way. This Human way.

Spock felt his lungs seize, desperate for air, so he had no choice to let loose of Jim’s lips, for just a moment.

“Spock,” Jim said on a ragged moan, his air whooshing out across Spock’s face, warm and moist, and scented of green tea. “God, I want you.”

“Does this mean you will _put out_?”  

Jim’s laugh was shaky. “Yes. If you want.”

 _Did he wan_ t _?_ There were no words he could say that would convey this need, this desire.

 _Desperation_.

He grabbed Jim’s hand and tugged him toward the bedroom.


	5. I Want to Know What Love Is, I Want You to Show Me

Jim was already removing his shirt, pulling it off over his head, when he heard Spock’s sharp intake of breath. Shirt still clutched in his grip, he peered at Spock. The Vulcan looked stricken.

“What?”

“You are covered in bruises and abrasions,” Spock replied, pointing to Jim’s torso.

Jim looked down at his stomach and chest. His ribcage too. Yes, he was already bruising from the beating he’d just taken. And, damn it, he _was_ sore.

The _abrasions_ , however, as Spock called them, were left over. 

“The scratches are left over from when I hit the pavement after I got knocked over by that lady on the hover bike,” Jim said with what he hoped was a reassuringly cocky grin. “They don’t hurt, believe me.”

Spock hardly looked convinced. And his expression was so devoid of anything, Jim suspected that was a bad thing. Very bad. “And the bruises?”

“Must be from those clowns in the pub,” Jim said with false cheer.

Spock’s eyes narrowed. “Clearly I should have been more forceful in my dealings with them.”

“Spock, I’m okay.”

“Clearly you are not.”

“All right, I’m a little sore, but I’m not in need of a knight in shining armor. It was just a few idiots who ganged up on me. It’s no big deal.”

“I cannot agree,” Spock said softly. He came close to Jim, his hands gentle on Jim’s arms, which were not bruised, thankfully. “I detest bullies.”

“I do too. You know I do. But I’m fine. I’m good. You helped me.” Jim stared at Spock’s mouth. “And right now I’m completely desperate to keep kissing you.”

Spock’s thumb brushed against Jim’s bottom lip. “You were bleeding here. Does that hurt as well? I did not think.”

“I kissed you, remember? Spock, come on. I’ve been dreaming of you for months.”

That got him the eyebrow quirk. “Months?”

“Yes.” Jim leaned in and softly touched his lips to Spock’s. “I took your course in the first place because I saw you and had a crush on you from the first time you turned up that snooty nose.”

“There is that word snooty again,” Spock murmured, opening his mouth as Jim’s tongue slipped inside.

“Mmm hmm.” Jim pulled back to look into those intense chocolate brown eyes. “Your snootiness makes me crazy.”

“That is illogical.”

“Sure is.” Jim trailed his lips along Spock’s jawline and over to his earlobe, which he nipped lightly.

Spock sucked in a breath. “That feels…”

“Yes?”

“Decadent.”

Jim chuckled, huffing his breath out against Spock’s skin, delighting when tiny little bumps appeared. He flicked his tongue out to touch the tip of Spock’s ear.

“Jim,” Spock moaned.

“Are Vulcan ears sensitive?”

“I have-have no information related to others, but mine are.”

Jim sucked on the tip and was rewarded by Spock stumbling forward. “Fascinating,” he said breathlessly. “Are we going to have sex or what?”

“Your bruises—”

“I have an idea.” Jim reached for the hem of Spock’s sweater. He pushed it up Spock’s body slowly and carefully, his gaze on all that magnificent, bare skin as he went. He paused briefly when he reached Spock’s collarbone, sucking a bruise there. Spock gave a most undignified cry at that and Jim had to hold back a laugh.

After he got Spock’s sweater off over his head, Jim pulled Spock toward the bed.

“Lie down on your back.”

Spock obliged without question which Jim had to admit gave him a little thrill. He reached for the snaps of Spock’s pants, undoing them deftly and lowering the zipper.  Spock’s entire focus seemed to be on Jim, whatever he was doing, and another little thrill shot right through him and straight to his dick. He pulled at Spock’s trousers, yanking them down to his knees and then his calves before he realized Spock still wore his ankle boots.

With a dramatic sigh for emphasis and a quick grin when he saw the arched brow, Jim yanked off the boots and let them fall to the floor with a thud.

He paused to take in all of Spock’s body. He was quite pale and sleek but also athletic and gorgeous with toned abs and muscled biceps. He had a surprising amount of dark, curled hair on his chest.

“God, you are so amazing,” Jim said, noting he had a touch of reverence in his tone. He couldn’t help it. He’d never been with anyone like Spock. And never thought he would be, not after—

Jim shook his head and then pulled Spock’s pants off the rest of the way. Licking his lips, his gaze went to Spock’s erect cock, long and thick, with double ridges, and…

“Wow, so you really do have self-lubrication.”

“Jim.”

Spock was blushing. And Jim couldn’t help but grin.

“You are just adorable.”

Both eyebrows shot up and he could tell that Spock was doing his best to look his snootiest, which was pretty cute considering his cheeks were still flushed green with his blush.

“Perhaps you might consider removing the rest of your own clothing,” Spock said primly.

Jim nodded. “Yeah.”

He toed off his shoes and then shimmied out of his pants without bothering to undo the fastenings.

“You are wearing no underthings.” Spock’s voice had gone very soft and hoarse.

Jim winked.

“Do you have the stuff?”

Spock blinked. “The stuff?”

“Lube. I mean you seem to have a lot but it’s always better to have more. Um. You know. In these circumstances.”

“I-I do not. I did not anticipate—”

Jim held up his hand. “I’ve got this.” He crouched down and rifled through the pockets of his pants until he pulled out a small packet. He waved it at Spock. “Always best to be prepared.”

He tossed the packet toward Spock’s head.

“First though—”

“First? What are you—?”

Jim leaned over and drew Spock’s hard cock into his mouth. Spock bucked up, rising off the bed.

“Jim! Jim, I—”

Jim swallowed around him, drawing him down, until he was deep-throating a very vocal Vulcan. And damn, Spock tasted good. He was pretty sure he could just suck that cock for hours, making Spock come over and over again until he was a pile of logical goo.

But he was torn. As much as the idea of spending hours entertaining Spock’s dick was delightful, he also was aching to have it thrusting and pulsating up his ass. In the end, Jim was too selfish, at the moment anyway, not to give into the desire to be thoroughly fucked.

He released Spock’s rod with a little bit of a slurping pop and then crawled up and over Spock’s body. He grabbed the packet he’d earlier pulled from his pants pocket and tore it open with his teeth before handing it to a very dazed Spock, who’s pupils had swallowed the brown until there was nothing but black.

“Put that on your fingers and put them inside me,” Jim commanded breathlessly. Because he might like to be fucked, but he tended to be an aggressive bottom. And right now he could barely wait for Spock to be in him.

The first slicked finger inserted into him burned slightly but it was gone in a second and Jim wanted more. Demanded more.

Spock’s second finger joined the first, pushing and pressing into him. Jim arched his back.

“Yes. God, yes.”

When a third finger joined the others, Jim wailed, panting as Spock’s fingers moved within him, thrusting and rubbing inside him. He pushed down, riding the fingers within him, forcing them even further.

“Spock, Spock, I need. Please. Please.”

Jim curled his fist around his own cock, which bobbed helplessly between his legs, desperate for relief.

When the fingers withdrew suddenly, Jim whimpered in protest. But then Spock lifted him up and onto his erection as Jim slammed down, fully enbedding the Vulcan within.

For several seconds, Jim was so blissed out, his eyes closed and he felt as though he was floating above his body.  Spock surged up into him, bringing him back to reality as his whole body quaked with the force of Spock’s desperate thrusts.

Jim leaned forward, gripping Spock’s shoulders as he held on, riding Spock like a bucking bronco, pushing down roughly with every thrust up into his ass.

Spock was a wild thing beneath him, ramming up into Jim as though his life depended on it, moans and groans falling from Spock’s lips like plaintive prayers. And Jim basked in it. Squeezing the cock that pumped within him, enclosing it in tight muscles.

Sweat beaded on Jim’s forehead, and his chest was slick with it, as over and over each thrust was met with a push down. The rhythm they set was both punishing and intense, and addictive. His battered body twisted in protest during certain movements, but Jim would not stop. He could not.

As his whole body thrummed and tightened, his vision blurred, as his balls drew up against him, his dick throbbing in his fist. Jim threw his head back on a cry of joy as his spunk splatter out over Spock, painting his stomach and chest with Jim’s seed. For long moments afterward, with Jim feeling as though he was in another realm, Spock continued to thrust up into him, driving in with a force that nearly dislodged him. And then he felt Spock pour into him, so much cum, that it was already leaking out even before Spock had finished and pulled out of him.

He collapsed on Spock’s chest, his eyelids too heavy to keep open, as he lay flat across the Vulcan, whose arms wrapped around him, holding him so tightly, Jim wondered if he would be able to breathe.

“Jim? Are you all right? Jim? I did not mean to hurt you. It is only that my control…Jim?”

Jim said nothing. He could not make himself speak. The bliss had enveloped him. He was aware that Spock had shifted him so that he now lay on the bed and Spock was hovering over him, his hands splaying out over Jim’s sweat soaked flesh.

“Jim!”

He moistened his lips, tried to open his eyes, and failed. “Sp-ock.”

“Your injuries. We should not have. I am responsible—”

“’m all right.”

“If I have done irreparable harm I will never forgive myself.”

“No.” He reached out, blindly, still unable to open his eyes. He found Spock’s face. Put his hands on either side of his jaw. “Spock. I’m okay.”

“Jim, you have recently—”

“Spock, honey, I’m okay.” He forced his eyes open and smiled. “Better than okay.”

Spock looked as though he did not believe him. “I have not experienced this lack of control.”

“I like you out of control.”

“You were beaten severely within hours and I—”

Jim frowned. “Well, not severely.”

“Jim.”

“Spock, honestly, calm down.” He leaned up and pressed their foreheads together. “I’m great. I promise. A little sore but fantastic.”

“We should have waited.”

“Hell no.” Jim smiled as he closed his eyes. “You feel that, right? We’re good. Great even. Together.”

Spock nodded slowly. “Yes. You…soothe me.”

“Yeah? You didn’t seem particularly soothed when you were fucking me into the next universe.”

Spock’s brows furrowed. “That is illogical.”

“So are your eyebrows.”

“Jim,” Spock admonished.

He laughed. “You’re so cute.”

“Vulcans are not cute.”

“Maybe not, but they are snooty.”

Spock sighed.

“That was incredible,” Jim said softly as he pulled back to kiss Spock’s nose. “I think I lost some of my brain cells.”

“Engaging in coitus does not suck out brain cells.”

“Says you.”

“You are—”

“Illogical. Yes. Very. I’m not sure I’ve ever had a logical thought in all my life.”

Spock kissed him. “It is unlikely.”

Jim closed his eyes again. “Can I stay here?”

“If you were to leave, I would chase you down and bring you back.”

“That means yes, right?”

“Yes, Jim.”

“You made me meat.”

“Go to sleep.”

“’Kay.”

He felt Spock draw him close once more and as he laid his head on Spock’s chest, Jim knew he was safe and would have no nightmares.


	6. Those First Impressions, They Keep You Guessing

Never in a million years had Jim expected to wake up next to Spock. Not after their beginning, anyway. And yet, as his eyes opened, they focused on the Vulcan who was already awake and watching him.

“Morning.”

“Good morning, Jim.” Spock’s gaze searched him. “Are you experiencing regret?”

“Regret?” Jim shook his head, surprised Spock had even thought that. “Did I seem regretful when I woke you up in the middle of the night to suck your cock?”

Spock’s cheeks dusted green. “Jim.”

He laughed then. “I don’t regret anything. What about you? You having second thoughts?”

“I regret my impatience considering your injuries.”

Jim scoffed at that. “Aren’t regrets illogical or something?”

Spock nodded. “And yet—”

“Spock, I’m good. We’re good. Aren’t we?” He smiled.

“Yes,” Spock replied softly.

Jim leaned forward to kiss him. But instead of his lips, he kissed Spock’s cheek. “I know my breath is hideous.”

“I do not mind,” Spock insisted.

“You should.” Jim lifted the sheet that covered Spock and stared down at the half-hard Vulcan cock. He licked his lips.

“Jim.”

“Shh.” He scooted down the bed and lowered himself to Spock’s cock, which had decided to perk up more at the prospect of Jim’s mouth on it. He flicked his tongue out at the double ridged head and Spock released a moan.

“I should not—”

Jim opened his mouth and drew Spock’s shaft down deep.

“You-you have a most talented mouth, Cadet,” Spock said as he gave up his protests, leaning back against the pillows instead. His breaths came in little half pants as Jim held the base of Spock’s dick and sucked him up and down, not unlike a popsicle. Before long, Spock was crying out Jim’s name, desperately pumping himself through Jim’s lips. When the tang of his first spurt of cum hit the back of Jim’s throat, he began to swallow greedily as Spock released a large amount of fluid.

“I-I apologize,” Spock gasped as he pulled away, clearly too sensitive for anything more.

Jim grinned and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “For what?”

“I became quite excited.”

“Are you honestly apologizing for coming?” He shook his head. “Spock, that’s what I wanted.”

“Likely you did not anticipate the amount that came with my excitement.”

He rolled his eyes. “Did I complain? But God, we both need a shower.” 

“Indeed.”

Jim got up from the bed and held out his hand. “How about we conserve water?”

“Conserving resources is always wise,” Spock agreed as he took Jim’s offered hand and followed him into the bathroom.

****

“I wondered what happened to you,” Bones said, when a few hours later Jim returned to their dorm. He eyed Jim with a frown. Reached for his tricorder and began to scan him. “What’s all this?”

“Well, some of it is damage from the fuckers who jumped me at the bar last night,” Jim said, scooting away from Bones. “Cut it out. I’m fine. And the, um, other things are from, um,…”

Bones lowered his scanner. “You got your ass kicked and got laid?” He gestured to the hickeys. “Somebody is very marky.”

Jim rubbed one on his neck. “Those were in the shower this morning.”

“I didn’t ask.”

He grinned. “You would have.”

“Do I even want to know who?” Bones picked his coffee mug up. “You hungry?”

“Nah. We had breakfast.” Jim sat on the edge of the desk where Bones worked.

“Should I be looking for a ring?”

“Ha ha. I don’t think Vulcans do rings.” He smirked down at Bones.

“Oh for pity’s sake. Spock?”

“All night and all morning. That is one horny Vulcan.”

Bones winced. “Shut up. What happened to that whole ‘it’s not going to work out between us’ shtick at the hospital?”

“I guess we worked it out after all.”

“You have a Vulcan boyfriend? Or was this a one-time thing?” Bones held up his hands. “And if you say it was way more than once, I swear I’ll hypo you into next week.”

“I think he can be considered my boyfriend. His mommy and daddy are coming to San Francisco next week and he’s bringing me to meet them.”

“Mommy and daddy? Something tells me he didn’t use those terms.”

Jim laughed and swung his legs. “No. Mother and Father.” His smile fell and he bit his lip. “I’m worried though.”

“About?”

“Meeting parents, Bones? That’s fucking serious. And I, well,…”

“You?”

He sighed. “I don’t make a very good first impression.”

“Look, Spock obviously likes you a lot.”

“He’s a perfect example.”

There was a knock on the door.

Bones frowned. “Were you expecting someone?”

“Yep.” Jim hopped down. “Spock.”

He went to the door and let Spock inside. He was a little surprised when Spock leaned forward to kiss him on the lips instead of doing the Vulcan finger thing.

“Hey.” Jim grinned and pulled him in for another kiss.

“Ahem.”

“Oh, yeah. Bones is here.” Jim kissed Spock again and then released him.

Spock turned toward Bones, completely unfazed. “It is pleasing to see you again, doctor.”

“Uh-huh.” Bones rose from his chair and picked up his PADD. “I’m going to go study at the library.”

“You do not have to leave.”

“Yeah, he does,” Jim said. He grabbed Spock and pulled him close once more. “See you, Bones.”

He heard a grumble and then the door slam closed.

“God, I missed you.”

“We parted less than an hour ago,” Spock pointed out. But he eagerly returned Jim’s kiss just the same.

“Mmm. So do you want me to make dinner first or—”

“Most definitely or.”

Jim laughed. “I like the way you think.” He began to kiss Spock again and as Spock’s hand moved to his face, Jim moaned and moved closer.

And then suddenly Spock stepped back.

“You are anxious.”

“Not about this.”

Spock’s brows furrowed. “About what then?”

“Meeting your folks.”

“There is no need. They will love you.”

“Spock, you didn’t even love me, er like me, when you first met me. In fact, totally the opposite.”

“I made an error in judgment.”

“But—”

Spock kissed him silent. “Jim, they will like you.”

“Promise?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Because I want to make a good impression.”

“Mother already likes you based on our video conference earlier today,” Spock assured him. “And Father goes along with Mother.”

“Yeah?” At Spock’s nod, Jim smiled and took his hand. “About that or.”

****

**The Future**

 

 “The pants fit good but I think this collar is choking me,” Jim protested as he tugged at his command gold.

Spock swung behind him to look at his pants. “I disagree.”

Jim arched his brows. “You don’t think it’s choking me?”

“The pants are too tight. We will have to obtain looser ones from the quartermaster.”

“Nope. I like these.” Jim looked over his shoulder at his own butt. “I look good.”

“T’hy’la.”

“Oh relax, Spock. You are the only one that looks.”

Spock gaped at him for a moment, then shook his head as he closed his mouth. Spock resisted the urge to sigh at his illogical bondmate. Besides, his attention was now on the three new crewmembers coming down the bay toward where the Enterprise was docked.    

Jim swore. “Oh, geez. Those guys? Couldn’t they have been assigned to the Farragut?”

Spock recognized them as the former cadets that had sparred with Jim. He narrowed his eyes.

Jim’s communicator beeped. “I have to take this. Be right back.” He squeezed Spock’s shoulder and moved off to the side.

The three men stopped in front of Spock. They were security officers, dressed in red. And at the moment their faces matched.

“Commander. We were told to report to Captain Kirk.”

Spock took a step forward.

A moment later, Jim returned. “That was your mom. She said…hey, where’d the guys go?”

Spock shrugged. He handed his PADD to Jim. “It appears that they have requested transfers to the Farragut.”

Jim frowned. “That’s weird.”

“Indeed.”

Jim suddenly stared at Spock. “Spock.”

“Yes, Captain?”

“Did you say something to them?”

“I can say with all honesty that I did not say a word to them, Captain.”

“Hmm.”

Spock gestured to the walkway to the Enterprise. “Shall we?”

Jim nodded. Touched his fingers to Spock. “Think I’ll make a good first impression on the crew?”

Spock stepped into sync beside him as they walked. “I am sure of it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another one shot gone a bit awry.
> 
> This one was never supposed to go on as long as it did. I couldn't stop writing on them. And maybe I should have have continued it, but nah, this one is done. Thanks for reading


End file.
